Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
