My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
