My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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