You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize