im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
