i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
