the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
