Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
