My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
