my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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