i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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