U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
