My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
