she told me i tasted like america
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
