sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize