I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
