shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
