Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
