I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
