Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
