why im i the only drunk person in the library?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
