I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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