i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i think i just lost a toe
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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