im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
