They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
