Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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