i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
