My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
