I think my vagina is haunted
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
