i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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