3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
