every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
