Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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