I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
