The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
either way he was missing a nipple.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my poor anus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
