What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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