the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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