He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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