What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
