So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
