Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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