Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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