As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
