To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
