I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
