so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
