he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
