1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
