Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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