I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
