Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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