this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize