I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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