so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
