I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
