i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
