It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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