who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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