We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
