maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
