i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
