So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
