All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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