Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
