just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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