He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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