ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
