TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
