Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
