i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
