it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.