just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.