My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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